Imperfection – and other great thoughts

Last week, Karen Salmansohn, the host of the Siruis radio show Be Happy, Dammit gathered a dynamite panel to talk about work-life balance and how women can often be their own obstacle in the workplace. The panel included Leslie Bennetts, the author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? and contributing editor to Vanity Fair, Eve Tahminicioglu, career columnist for MSNBC.com and author of From the Sandbox to the Boardroom: Lessons Learned on the Journey to the Top, Cali Williams Yost, author of Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You. , and Marci Alboher, author of One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success. I highly encourage you to listen to the show, but if you can’t, here are some of the things I learned from this illuminating discussion.

A lot of pressure if self-imposed – This was a great point made by Leslie Bennetts and illustrated poignantly with an anecdote about her friend, a successful lawyer, who broke down and decided to quit her job after she was informed that it was her turn to bake cupcakes for her child’s class. Bennetts, who interviewed women spanning seven decades for her book, which argues quite persuasively about the importance of paid work in women’s lives, says that women magnify the importance of things. Her advice is to reprioritize. Instead of fretting over the cupcakes, think about what is going have a real impact on your child’s sense of self and emotional well-being. My hunch is that it’s not cupcakes.

Balance is everyone’s issue – Yost, who is a sought after consultant for Fortune 500 companies trying to infuse balance into their workplace, says that work/life balance has become feminized. The irony, she says, is that men are just as likely to say that balance is an issue for them, and that by making it a “chick thing” it’s hurting women, not helping them. The bottom line is that the workforce cannot operate efficiently and effectively if women are not participating. And on a highly encouraging note, Yost says she is often brought in my male executives who are concerned about a Jane Drain.

Embrace the rhythms of your career cycle – Alboher’s mantra is that women need to give themselves a break. Women don’t have linear career paths. There are times (read: young and single) when you can devote all your energy to your career and other times (read: early years of motherhood) when you can’t give your career your all. The takeaway for women is that it’s not an all or nothing proposition. It’s about adjusting the intensity at different stages of your life.

Get pissed off about women making 70 cents to the dollar – Tahmincioglu argues that to start a social movement that would bring about pay equity, the key ingredient has to be fervor. Women need to get mad to get even.

Become an imperfectionist – Bennetts says the burden of perfection women feel is enormous. Pointing to women’s magazines as the emblem of this burden, Bennetts argues that women’s magazines are centered on articles about making yourself better, whereas men’s magazine are about cool gadgets. To combat the viscous perfectionist cycle, Alboher says she is trying to become an imperfectionist — and implores women to drop three things from their to do list.

Speak up, then opt-out – You have nothing to lose at this point, says Tahmincioglu. The calculus is, if you are already out the door, talk to your boss about what your fantasy work arrangement would look like.

Enlist men in the cause – “It’s not just a woman’s problem,” says Bennetts. Working women are happier and healthier, so it’s to the benefit of their families to find ways to keep them in the workforce.