How To Ask for Help and Get It

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because it seems like I spend a lot of my time either asking people for help or answering requests for help. And I have to tell you, like most things in life, it's all in the approach. So here's my asking for help etiquette.

Be Specific - This is the cardinal rule about asking someone for help. I can't tell you how many e-mails I've gotten with nebulous requests like, "Can you give you me advice about how to start a career as a writer?" "Can you send me a list of agents that I can send my book proposal to?" I end up not answering those e-mails because they are so daunting. I could write a short tome about my advice on how to start a career as a writer. Actually, it would probably boil down to "Only do it if you are possessed." Point being, I'm much more likely to answer an e-mail that says, "I'm writing a novel about 19th century India, and I've researched these agents. Do you have any suggestions about how I might go about getting in touch with?" Bottom line is this: You have to make it easy for someone to help you. Put yourself in other person's shoes. Here's a check you can do. Will it take the person more than five minutes to answer you e-mail? If yes, then think about pare down your request to something they can answer quickly.

Friend requesting does not constitute networking - I know face-to-face contact is so 1998, but it still has its place, especially when you are job searching and networking. That whole bit about non-verbal communication is for real. So offer to take the person out to lunch.

Flattery will get you everywhere - This might sound obvious and a little like brown-nosing, but if someone starts off an e-mail with a compliment, it helps. If someone just launches right in with a line that reads "what can you do for me," I'm going to be honest, it alienates me. To be clear, I'm not talking a paragraph of praise-singing, just one sentence that sounds genuine and sincere and makes it clear you actually know something about the person you are contacting.

Follow up - A friend told me a story about someone she had given a contact to during her job search. She never heard from the young woman until, one day, she called the office of the friend and she (the women who she had put in touch with her friend) answered the phone! She had the chutzpah to not even call and thank my friend for helping her land a job. I'm a stickler with this. If someone helps you find a job, you must call that person AND send them a small token of your appreciation. Another friend of mine, a successful real-estate agent, sends anyone who refers a client to her a gift. That's one reason she's on her way to mogul hood.

Be a connector - It's sort of simple as if you help someone, they'll want to help you. Brand yourself as someone who makes connections between people.
Although you might like to think it's your skill-set that is going to get you to the C-Suite, it's more likely going to be your network.