Women’s Circumstances are Different. So is their Success.

The confusion surrounding women in success has to do with a lack of established benchmarks. We know that one “succeeds” in an organization when they nab that promotion, get a great title, a corner office or a position on the board. When we apply a ladder approach to success, the answers may (or may not) be clear, but is the ladder approach helpful in answering your questions about success. Happiness? Fulfillment? Achievement?

Let's take a more holistic and treelike approach to the big picture of life. Start with your roots.

What are your roots?
What grounds you?
Where do you find strength when the going gets rough?

Does it involve relationships? With whom? How frequently? Of what depth? What kinds of interactions? Are you a girl that's good with a weekly phone call to mom or does a debriefing with a friend help you breathe easier? A discussion with your partner? A hug from your children or those you love? Maybe it's physical health. What does your best "you" look and feel like? Forget In Style. Be real with me here. What was the last time you looked in the mirror or put something on and felt, "you go girl!” Could it be a person place or thing that gives you emotional or spiritual grounding? What is it that keeps you from blowing over in a stiff wind?

How about branches? It's great to have roots but without personal growth on an ongoing basis, even the sturdiest trees shrivel up and die. Life and relationships, goals and directions need to be defined and nurtured.

What does healthy personal growth mean to you?
What branches of your life do you intend to cultivate and have you cultivated?
Or do you want to cultivate? BE HONEST. We all hold back.

Does it mean graduating high school? Getting an "A"? Taking courses? Completing college? Exposing yourself to art? Learning more about social or economic or political issues? Having challenging conversations? Putting yourself to a physical test? Philanthropy? Community involvement? Speaking? Making a difference in someone else's life? Challenging yourself to make a difference in your own?

What about the branches of your life that involve work? What does being successful at work look like to you? What are its benchmarks? How do you know you're there?

What about those that involve relationships? What are at the benchmarks of a healthy relationship for you? What does it mean about conversations, interaction, understanding, activity, social life... and everything else including sex? Driving to be June Cleaver or Laura Bush or Dr. Ruth? And everything else in between.

What does being "a good mother" look like to you? Whoa, that's one that can cause fireworks. What are those benchmarks? Family dinner every night? Family dinner twice a week? Reviewing homework regularly? Occasionally? Or only when the child is floundering?

How about family and friends? How do you grow what you have and develop what you need or want? Calling your mother/father/family/greater family/friends/colleagues - twice a day, once a day, once a week, once a month, bringing the turkey on Thanksgiving? What about possessions?

Ready to let a branch or part of your tree grow towards the sun, supervised or unsupervised? Growing wild and free or subject to regular pruning?How do you know that your tree is ready to or is in bloom? What does a blossoming and blooming life look, feel, taste, touch, smell like? I would help you with your answers but I have to go water my tree.