Multiple hands lighten work load

Pregnant working women have lots of decisions to make. Whether they continue to work following the birth of their child is one of the biggest. Depending upon the resolve of that question many other choices will follow - like how to keep up with house chores. I personally encourage women who want to work following a birth, to do so, no matter their rung on the working ladder. The time taken to adjust your life and schedule before returning to work is a personal choice dependent upon unique financial and medical circumstances. I don’t believe that there is one “right” answer to fit all.

I took extended time-off following the arrival of each of my children, not exactly the same circumstances. The first time I left on maternity leave a professional VP management position and came-back to work months later, only to comeback home to mommy duty within a few months. We had experienced a failed nanny situation and I didn’t want my infant son to have to make an emotional transition to another caregiver. In hind-sight, I think he would have done just fine given the right situation.

The second time I resigned my “full-time mommy” title and all associated status and returned to a software company close to home with both my toddler and infant in an early developmental day-care run through a school system. Which decision was the better of the two? They were both important and unique in their own right. More on differences in my children in future posts. Suffice it to say they are happy, independent, socially adjusted, intelligent and college bound.

First-time mothers may worry that they won’t bond with their child if they return to work within the first 12 weeks or 12 months following birth. Bond? You just carried that (those) child (ren) for up to 40 weeks, inside of you. They listened to your every word, breath and heart sound. How much closer can you get? They already know your voice, smell and that you’re their mommy. Face it they know you inside out. You’ll have your and their lifetime(s) to bond and establish a relationship.

Why am I using both the singular and plural? With a record number of cases of multiple births recorded in the US by the National Center for Health Statistics since 2000, I want to use families with high multiple births in my discussion regarding working moms and their children. In my research, I read of Keith and Becki Dilley of Indiana who in 1993 gave birth to this country's first surviving sextuplets. Linden and Jackie Thompson became parents of sextuplets in Washington, D.C., in May 1997. Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey of Iowa, are parents of ten including septuplets born in November 1997. Jon and Kate Gosselin, of Pennsylvania are parents of eight, including sextuplets born in 2004.

Each of these families no doubt has a working mother, whether in or out of the home. What I found the most fascinating was that the families of multiples expect their children to help out around the house early on. How refreshing! Mom is either splitting her time between children, home, work or more. Her undivided attention can not be given to one child all of the time. Her bonding isn’t going to take place in a set eight, twelve or fifty-two weeks. The bonding taking place in these homes is likely complex and involves multiple relationships, not just mother and one child.

I can’t verify this, but I found reference to the Dilley family using a chore chart for their brood, information supposedly posted by Becki Dilley, via the Triplet Connection. The posting describes the use of a chore chart with weekly duties for each child. They rotate the chores and include jobs like helping with laundry, as a dishwasher, meal helper, pet care provider, tidy supervisor or bathroom duty. When the child becomes more adept from basic assistance to mastering the physical task their responsibilities grew, as I would think so did their confidence. Chores started at age three. Yup, go back and read that again, chores start at age three! And, get this point, moms, back in 1990s…”Keith Dilley stays at home with the babies, and Becki works as a nurse.” You can read all about them in their book published in May 30, 1995, “Special Delivery: How We Are Raising America's Only Sextuplets... and Loving It.” The Dilley’s are now fourteen. I’ll bet six teenagers, twelve hands with eleven years cleaning experience can do pretty well for their parents and themselves.

Ann Curry for NBC News interviewed Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey and their septuplets in 2006 when the troupe turned eight, “Eight is great for the McCaughey septuplets.” In that piece, Bobbi McCaughey states that the kids have been helping with meals, laundry and tidying up since they were four years old! Read that again; “helping with meals, laundry and tidying up since age four!” In the article Bobbi is quoted as saying, “He’s (Kenny) so sweet. He says that the days that I work go much better than the days I don’t work.” WOW. That’s from a woman (working outside the home) with ten children. Bobbi was referring to her part-time job she had taken away from the home! I think if I had ten children I would be better away from home as well.

For my final example, well I have none. I just like watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 on the Discovery Channel. Based upon Kate’s take charge demeanor, good for her, I’ll bet now that the multiples have turned age three she’ll be doling out chore assignments soon.

If I were able to turn-back time and relive my early motherhood and work decisions, I might modify two things. No, having multiples would not be one of my choices, although they are all as cute as can be. If interested in starting your own day care business, it’s likely a great training ground. I would return to work earlier and not take as an extended leave with my infant, getting them into a licensed well-run early development day-care sooner. I would not have opted for a nanny with a single infant where there are no checks and balances. I would have taught my children at a younger age to help around the house - MORE. I know for me as well, the days I work are better than the days I don’t.