I Need a Wife

Ok, I admit it. I need a wife. I need help. I don’t want a superwoman modern wife who works full time, takes care of the kids, and runs around like a maniac. I need a 1950’s kind of wife, who will keep my home clean and make me healthy food. I need someone to get stamps and iron my clothes. Oh, what I would give for a wife! A personal assistant would work as well, but you know no one will take care of you like a wife. An assistant won’t bring me sunflowers for no reason and make me hot chocolate from scratch when I’m cold! I hate doing the house duties, and certainly don’t have time for them. My time is much better spent working and keeping up with my passions. Spending Sunday afternoon cleaning the bathroom is not on the top of my list of passions. When friends and family come over, I know they’re looking at the papers on the floor. I call it the “open filing system”. My family has finally stopped making fun of the mess in the back seat of my car. I give junk in the trunk a whole new meaning!

Is it wrong to want a wife? Shouldn’t I be able to keep up with all these things on my own at this age? It doesn’t bother me that I never put the roll of toilet paper on the holder. I know a wife would make sure it was on the holder and replaced at the first site of cardboard. I need that! I want that! I need a wife!