Been Bullied at Work?

Companies do not want this behavior it is costly and destructive. They do not do very much about it.You have to leave you can not sleep at night .terrible stress headaches PTSD It keeps getting worse very organized in what they do to systematically run people off.I was insubordinate
twice. There has got to be a special hell for all the people who lie,sabatouge and work against everyone in the entire place.
I would not bother to report this behavior anymore
let them destroy the place, they will anyway.
All you get is DUMB LOOKS from management who probably was told to cover their ass.
This is not the anserw.

Hi ladies,
I am currently writting a book about female aggression in the work place and in our daily lives, would any of you like to be interviewed for this book
feel free to email me at
sufferloay@yahoo.com. My book will be out Mid August 2009
Have a great day

Reading all of these stories simultaneously makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone, but also awful that other people have to go through this!!

I haven't had a positive full-time work experience yet. I've either had a condescending boss, a lifeless, boring corporate environment, or most recently, a bullying manager. She would be 'so busy' that if I even thought about asking her to show me something (I received almost no training for my position in Internet Marketing), she'd sigh heavily like I was completely putting her out to ask her. Or she'd just ignore me completely. She'd regularly be rude to me, and to our boss, but then she'd turn around and act all nice with me, like I was privileged to be able to go have little pow wows with her during breaks.

It was confusing me and completely bashing my already not so great self esteem (thanks, middle and high school bullies!), and I complained to my boss, the CEO, a few times. The final time, I walked in with an offer letter from another company in my hand and told him this had to stop or I was leaving. My manager was let go the very same day and everything was well and good, or so I thought.

We never re-hired a manager, and so I had to do everything she was doing and everything I was doing, and come to find out, I think the reason she was so uptight and mean was because of our boss driving her up a wall. She never should have taken it out on me, but now I'm in her position and I find myself completely miserable and at my wits' end almost daily. I would never ever treat someone I managed like she treated me (I haven't managed anyone yet but I just know I'm too patient and nice of a person for that)...but I am just praying that another job will come along soon. I've applied to countless positions, and ideally, I'd really like to own my own business.

It's hard to do that when you're 23 with very little savings, though.

I look forward to looking back on this time of my life as a distant memory on the day that I'm successfully making enough to live on with my own pursuits. If anybody needs a corporate blogging consultant or a copy writer, let me know haha. I am so desperate for a new job right now I could cry just thinking about it.

Dear Tory, these stories have helped me get out of bed each morning for the last week. I lost a job just one week ago that I dearly loved. I was a occupatonal therapy asst making exccellent money in a beautiful christian home. After a couple of months and working with a great staff the facility began to boom with patients and great referals. I turned the therapy department into a comfortable and warm environement and people who had to would even return on a waitlist. All of a sudden my immedaite supervisor turned on me. She refused my important phone calls, kept me out of computer training and said to my face she just did not like me. I went to her supervsior who was also mine and reported these issues. She even sent me a text message on my cell phone that was so inappropriate that I played it for my boss. A week later I was fired for insobordination with my supervisor. I was in shock, she was the one harrassing me. The facility I worked for was also shocked and willing to stand by me. Unfortunately, I was contracted in and they had no say over the therapy department as to who was hired or fired. I am 51 and after 13 years I had finally found the place I could retire. I miss it every day except for the painful incidents with my supervisor. She threw a book at me once, and even embarrassed me in front of my patients and co-worker, who is younger and of course to afraid to say anything because she does not want to lose her job. I did seek an attorney and he is trying to see if I have a case based on thier ability to fire me when I did nothing wrong. In fact the facility had there most profitable year. If anyone has a copy or knows a state that actually has the bullling law please send the legislation to me so that I can do whatever it takes to get it passed in Ohio. Please help me to move on. Karly in Ohio

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to make a short blog. I feel so much better that I have been able to speak with many positive and concerned persons about my previous posts and I just wanted to thank-you all for the wonderful advice and support!

Ms. Nickols
Milwaukee, WI
leteciam@sbcglobal.net

Hello Tory,

I recently was reviewing many of the blogs concerning office bullying. I was very shocked about what I had been reading and how this is a wide and ongoing problem for many.

My opinion about this problem: workers should take notes, file a complaint with the EEOC, talk to a human resource manager and as a last movement find another employer if the current job is affecting your emotional or physical well-being or job performance.

Letecia
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Hello Tory,

I did not realize how much "Bullying" is so wide spread across the business sectors. The information on Good Morning America helped others to find positive solutions in dealing with this on going problem.

Some managers may or may not understand the stress bullying may cause workers.

It can lower personal morale and some may feel backed into a corner, but do not remain silent. Bullying needs to be dealt with in a private meeting with more than one manager, documented and filed.

Workers should not be afraid to voice their concerns. Stand up for what you believe in!

Ms. Nickols
Milwaukee, WI

My experience in this topic was a course over 1 year. I have been on my job for now 2 years and I have reach to the point where bullying on the job must stop. My manager is very controlling and it seems that I am often called into the office more than others not because I am a bad worker but because I have been picked on.

Bullying must end now! I begin to speak up for myself and respectfully voice my opinion about my work environment,lack of communication and job descriptions must be fair as a whole organization.

I begin to document events, days, time that I felt my manager were trying to bully me, but as a result I think it is time for me to have a change in work environment. I want to work somewhere I am appreciated and not humiliated. It is time for workers to take a stand and now allow managers to abuse them verbally and emotionally.

Ms. Nickols
Milwaukee, WI

Continued bullying is a clear sign of a toxic environment. In a study conducted by Wayne Hochwarter, a Management Professor at Florida State University, 31% of his respondents reported having been given the "silent treatment" by their supervisors. The silent treatment?? Is this third grade?

No, unfortunately, it's not. These "leaders" are not emotionally equipped to be in charge of other people, yet they are. If upper management cannot see the destruction of these bullies, then there is little hope that it will change within that organization.

The Toxin of "The Blame Game" keeps many companies from reaching their potential. Through high turnover, lost opportunities, and fractured teams, the company will never be what it could be if the Toxin were cleaned up.

www.TeresaDay.com

I almost missed this article as it went straight into my Spam folder. I usually just delete the folder without reading what is in there. It was definitely meant for me to read this one. I just returned to work after 7 weeks on medical leave. My physician realized that persistent stress from my bullying experience at my new job (8 mos.) was affecting my health. I was thrilled and proud to be a part of the "World's Most Admired" company and was pleased to continue my career in another of its many companies. My 4th work day in the new Healthcare division I met my new director. I don't know what impression she formed but it has been down hill from there. She brought a manager, outside of our group, to my welcome luncheon and before he could even get my name he started talking about homosexuals and then made a reference to my hair. I wear my hair in a short, neat, and attractive style and I have never been accused of being homosexual. I didn't immediately say anything but then the harassment started up and didn't let up until I went out on disability. The worst thing is that I don't want to leave the corporation just this part of it. However, I have no options as this manager will not allow me to seek another position in the company. I am going to be forced to give up my career with this company because of bullying that never should have happened. You think it can never happen to you and then it does. It can change your entire perspective on your life and everything around you.

The Life Of A Worm… that is exactly what these Bullies are! (check out the Dilbert Principle) I currently work for a worm at the Hilton and I’ve learned a great deal about internal politics as well as being able to view the true ineptness of individuals who happen to have the power to dismantle and never build. They are what I call.. “theater generated.” There is no structure or depth to their management, it’s all show.

Inept managers mirror their leader. Can’t have one without the other. When they know you can’t fight back they throw an avalanche of obstacles in your way to dissuade competent workers. Why? I believe it is for one reason. Because those of us who know better make the Worms feel inadequate. “It’s A Feeling” like we have a clear focus on their REAL character. They thrive in an inept environment whereas we can’t! HR is a joke! The lesson I have learned out of this nightmare is that the Worms represent everything I never EVER want to be like!

I've learned that with many bullies, the quickest solution is to call them out on their behavior. Very specifically, yet not accusingly. Be firm, point out the action, and be brief. Whining will not impress Bully, and will most certainly prompt more negativity. Giving Bully the chance to argue with you will not help your situation.

If appropriate, ask Bully what s/he needs from you in order to do his/her job more effectively. Then, tell Bully pointedly what you need from him/her.

IE: if you catch Bully talking about you because you need Bully's help but s/he seems it out of his/her job description, say something like, "I understand that this is not a top priority for you, that's fine. If you have an issue with my request, tell me and I'll find another solution."

Another tip is to never apologize unless you did something wrong.

There are so manys things I could tell you all.
I have been embarassed,intimated,yelled at,talked down to and generally treated unfairly by colleagues as well as supervisors. It never did any good to go to upper management because they never took action. I worked my behind off to do my job and other's jobs because we were constantly short-staffed but nothing I did was ever enough! I worked overtime without hestitation whenever asked, which was every week.
I took short lunches or ate at my desk to get my work done and most of the time forgot to take my breaks because I was too busy! My health was deteriorating and my home life was suffering as well. I finally got smart and left the job.I hope I never have to put up with that kind of atmosphere again! Thanks for letting me share.

Hello,
My story falls right in line - final I got a real job at the Reading Hospital & Medical Center as a Unit Clerk- my first real job in years. To make a long story short after being put down & yelled at and my work being compromised all in full view of other employess( nurses & lpn's & na's). At first I just figured I was the new person the new kid on the block. But when the clincial educater left for maternity leave it became worse, the other employees said wow that is so brutal to watch how can you endure that every day? I just would say - I can't take it personal, but after awhile it just became unbearable I went to HR & ask for help, which I believed HR was for us the employee. No, they aren't. I believed HR when they said hang in there if you still feel the same -we'll make a chance. When I ask for the chance, well no returned phone calls or e-mails & no job! But the Bully is still there getting praise from my ex-nurse mgr ( who always said she is 28)- who referred to me & my 50's co-workers as her baby boomers. I belive I was treated unfairly by the ones who are supposed to help you.
Beware of HR personel is the lesson learned. What recourse does one have in such a situation. My Bully was the one who by the was to supposed to job train & evaulate me. I never had any problems with my clerking position other then when she was alone with my work, filing. So now I need another position and my question is do I include my 3 months there or omit it and feel untruthful. Help - thanks unemployed

Over and over, the only answer to being bullied is to leave. WHY???? Why do we allow that to happen? It would seem more cost effective to keep good people than spend money on endless new hire training. I have seen this strange behavior everywhere I have ever worked....really sick!!! It's a cop out to say rise above it...the bully picks until he gets to you. It's time to bring bullying out of the closet!!!

Imagine working in an office with two bullies that decide they don't like each other. To make matters worse, there were six of us in one office. The situation was so toxic, I had to leave. The daily confrontations, and trying to force the rest of us to choose sides was unbearable. I now work at home, and the only personalities I have to deal with are people I speak with by phone when conducting business.

At 57, I've been bullied on the job(s) many times. Of course I was sick of it. Bullies in my opinion, have ego problems they haven't let go from childhood.

They were brats as children and they will stay brats as adults. No one could push them around then and no one will now.

This particular behavior disrupts the flow of a business day. It's reactive vs proactive. Intimidation of any employee is wrong...plain ole wrong. Weren't you hired because you knew how to perform the required job? Why does someone have to constantly micro manage you, demean you, or cut you down to their size?

I am disabled and trying to finally obtain a Bachelor's degree in Business Management. I want to start my own company. Like all of you who responded, I too am tired of childish behavior displayed by adults on the job.

Thanks for writing such a great article.

I'm a peaceful yet assertive person, professionally. I was working at a large global and successful company, among what I thought was a great group of people who were supportive and revolutionary. I began to be bullied by one employee and this went on while I went through all the steps short of the lawyer or quitting, to rectify the problem. It seemed obvious to me that the people with whom I was working were aware of the problem but did not want to address it. Nothing was ever done about my complaint so I finally decided to quit.
I felt a huge wave of relief and I don't regret my decision for a moment. I don't feel comfortable working in an environment where this sort of thing is tolerated.

Considering I have a meeting this week to confront a bully in another department, I was hoping this blog would lead me in the direction of optimism and hope with a few tricks to throw in my toolbox. Leaving a job is not my idea of a solution to bullies. In the end, it's the bully who won. (Eleanor Roosevelt pointedly stated "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.")

Every bully is different, but in the end they view you as an obstacle. Whether you are a threat or someone who is simply in his or her way, you have to figure that one out on your own. Then act accordingly.

Best of luck ladies, and please be sure to remain strong.

Bullying starts very quietly at times...I worked for a phone company as a customer service rep. Things were great at first...lots of fun and not much stress. When serious down sizing started, the call center manager started calling people into his office & telling them how worthless they were and "why should I keep you on the payroll?" It got so bad there were days with 30% call out rates. I went out on stress disability with a major depressive episode and he accused me of "fraud." He told a co worker who called out because his mother was in the ICU, "She's ok...she's in the hospital...I need you here." He stalked a girl who called out with severe headaches by sitting outside her home in his car. It wasn't until she died of a ruptured aneurysm that he started believing she actually had a medical problem. All any of us wanted was to just make a decent living without torture. I have since left "Ma" and returned to nursing and am much happier!!!! However, I feel something needs to be done about these types of managers. Stressed out, miserable people are NOT productive!!! HELP them, please.

Tory, At the time I didn't think of it as bullying. I was just the receptionist/accounting clerk and figured since I was low on the totem pole, that was what was appropriate. My supervisor would have to watch the front desk if I stepped away for anything. For the most part the only two reasons I would leave were to use the restroom and to have lunch. On several occasions I asked her to please watch the front desk because I needed to use the restroom. It was not surprising to hear her say "No. Later." and then not get back to me. At one time after the third request I had to go so bad that I went without "permission".

When I got moved from the front desk and was assigned accounting duties in the office with my supervisor, I learned fast and worked hard. Granted I wasn't as quick and efficient as her since she had been at the job for seven years, but I did pretty good. One day after a berating I turned in my two-week notice to the boss. The letter specified the reasons for leaving, like being unappreciated and undervalued. I was called in to his office and he asked that I rescind my two-week notice. After those two weeks, if things didn't improve I could leave. By the way, my supervisor was present during this meeting.

After that meeting, my supervisor and I returned to our shared office. She closed the door and said "I don't say things like 'thank you' and 'you did a good job' because I don't believe in lying."

The good news is that the next week I got a $1/hr pay increase. I began waiting tables at a restaurant in the evenings and quit within a month anyway - and was making more money. That allowed me to go to school full time and get my degree in Mechanical Engineering.

Martha Lachmayr-Pomes

Thanks for discussing the topic of workplace bullies. My bully by all appearances was a nice, friendly, church going lady. However, if you were someone she didn't like, like myself, there was a completely different side to her. She would give me the death glare any time I had to speak to her, like telling her she had a phone call or even saying good morning. I was new to the job and didn't know where files and supplies were. She refused to be of any assistance or did so very angrily. She admitted to another co-worker that she didn't like me because she was threatened by me. Our boss spurred on the issue, by allowing her to feel that way. I think he thought it would "motivate" her to be more committed to her job. He also would not address the issue when he was made aware of it because in his view, that was how women get along, cat fighting. Each day it was spiritually and emotionally draining to the point that I was becoming depressed and knew I had to leave the situation, even though I didn't have another job in place. However, I still wish I would have confronted her for my own self esteem, even if it wouldn't have made our relationship better.

I have worked in my office for 6.5 years. And I have been bullied from the time I walked in the door. My supervisor would embarrass me in front of everyone---staff, customers---anybody. She did not care. She would always complain that I was too slow and took too long with customers. No matter what, there was no reason to humiliate me like that. Pretty soon, a label was placed on me; and nobody has ever spoken on my behalf or shown any empathy about this wrong-doing. Instead they all jumped on the band-wagon.

No matter how hard I work, it doesn't matter--I'm slow (which is an exaggerated lie). Although I'm punctual and dedicated to giving the best job performance on a daily basis, I'm only recognized as going "too slow."

My self-esteem has been tried to the max. Sometimes I believe that I'm worthless. My co-workers and supervisors and higher ups have tortured my spirit and made target practice of my self-confidence. Some days are more unbearable than others. But I just think of all the positive things about myself and of all the good feedback that other people have given me in other instances. I think of my family and all the people who love me. But most of all, I think of God and that He knows my abilities and strengths, and that He's all powerful and will deal with all my oppressors.

I have been searching for a new job. I can't just walk out, because I have kids to feed. But when I do find new work, I'm praying that the experience is more positive than the one that I'm in now. Otherwise, I won't stop until my spirit finds peace.

Three years ago I took a job that ended up being the most nightmarish experience of my life. I was terrorized by a returning senior employee for the last year until they "downsized" me. I had been looking for another job anyway - inspired by the book by Robert I. Sutton, "The No A**hole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't." The notion the book puts forth of developing indifference and emotional detachment worked for me somewhat, but the constant stress of this woman's daily sieges began to take its toll on me. And I was told by one of the other bosses that I was doing an excellent job just two weeks before the downsizing. I think it came down to a "her or me" thing. And I believe in the long run I came out the winner. I had a few months of unemployment that turned into a wonderful time of peace and personal growth. And I now work with the nicest ADULTS I could have ever hoped for.

I worked for a local tv station and was hired by a woman who turned out to be the second coming of Godzilla. Not only did she accuse me of leaking information to a tabloid newspaper about the station but she was just downright mean and ugly about her training approach and her daily demeanor towards me. The woman who had office space next to her on the 4th floor often heard her spewing venom about me, the woman who occupied the small office space in the newsroom. I tried my best to not follow the path of my predecessors who were either fired or who eventually were overcome with some sort of addiction just to forget about this miserable human being. I eventually ended up getting laid off after 3 years and have to say that it was a blessing in disguise. So, if you're extremely unhappy at your job and staying just to spite the person who is treating you badly, it's not worth it. Move on, you'll thank yourself in the long run.

Tory - I also saw the research you cite here; it is shocking how common bullying is.

So, if you have been bullied, what can you do about it? I wrote a post about this today: www.thethinpinkline.com/blog.

I was bullied at work over 15 years ago. I trained this person, even though she was more senior to me. The bully physically pushed me on more than one occasion in front of other people, and when I brought it to a bosses' attention, I was told that I got the other people to lie for me. I was told that I was not believed. The bully was promoted and I left the job. I still do not know what I could have done to deal with the problem.