Love and Money

I often read “The Wall Street Journal Sunday” in my local paper. Jeff D. Opdyke, who covers personal finance for The Wall Street Journal, writes a column which I really enjoy called “Love & Money,” lovemoney@wsj.com. He openly shares the tribulations and trials of his family’s dual working and living relationships, he as Dad, wife Amy and two children. This week he shares with his readers a major discussion between he and Amy, whether or not she should work part-time and eventually become a stay-at-home mom after moving the family from New Jersey to Louisiana for her hospital administration career. That to me was a topic for The Comeback Mom!

What a tough decision to make especially after the family made a move for her career. Jeff talks about how families routinely have to face this decision of having one parent stay home full or part-time to help raise the children. I add or maybe care for aging parents. We all know, that person is usually Mom. I know of two families where it is Dad. I personally don’t think the decision has to automatically be Mom. In my past posts I stressed that the decision has to fit your family needs. I suggest it should be a combination of financial opportunity, but also who does a better job at meeting the needs of the family. Jeff says, “Amy comes home many nights stressed out, with little time to do anything for herself.” This even though Jeff sounds like the dream husband, one who cooks, cleans, contributes to child-care. I didn’t think there were many others like my own husband out there. I’m glad to hear that there are.

Stressed out, lacking time for self, those to me are not reason enough to give up your career and financial security of your family. If Amy decides to stay at home full-time there is a good likelihood that new stresses will be introduced – financial and boredom. Stress is a major element in the lives of families today. Better to find ways to deal with the stress through job changes, cost-of-living changes, diet and exercise then assuming that a major change like giving up your dream job will be the panacea. Sometimes, there is no other option and someone in a family must stop working and concentrate on matters of keeping the home fires burning brightly.

Those home fires though can burn out Moms just as fast as working can. I know many stay-at-home Moms who once had careers lament that their brain function deteriorates because of the non-stop interaction with children and the drudgery of being the sole keeper of the home. The problem as I see it is the dual demand of needing to be available when your children are young and the net present value of money. Invest often financially when you are young and you will do better than someone who waits to invest later in life. That may be as true for children as your finances.

I invested daily in my children’s lives while working through my choices of interacting with them when they were young. Household matters came last. My mother, Zeffa’s advice, “Better scars on the furniture than scars on the children.” In other words, don’t worry about your surroundings as much as the psychological health of your family. My daughter had a more realistic way of looking at things. My son once asked her at a large extended family dinner party, “Would you want to put on a big party like this, cook for all these people and clean-up afterward like Mom?” She quipped, “Why, that’s what husbands are for.” Jeff, I think I may have an answer to Amy not having any time to herself!