Why Do Women Judge Other Women Harshly?

I agree with the very first comment by William. I think it's pretty obvious that, overwhelmingly, women prefer to work with other women far more than men.

Actually, for every woman you find bashing other women, you will surely find more than one more woman who prefers to work with fellow females rather than males, thank-you very much.

Though I agree with both Susan and all comments below, perhaps owing to my age, my views also diverge.

Her critics may have reacted, imo, to their perception that Susan's values devalue their own, from which they derive their sense of self. Women and men alike seek safety in adopting proscribed roles. The freedom women now enjoy, in theory, to do what only men, in the not-so-distant past, could aspire to accomplish, is a freedom some few still resent for the dilemma it presents.

They've already invested their sense of self in social roles, formerly exalted by society for upholding traditional feminine virtues. They're not envious. They're angry. They feel abandoned by other women. They're unrealistic and unfair in expecting not to be left behind, when they don't want to keep up. Fortunately, that's their problem, not Susan's.

It's a mix of socialization and primate behavior. Female chimpanzees tend to be competitive in this same way, and as their closest genetic relatives, we are too. Add some Western Euro-American culture and self-deprecation to that mix, and you've got women hating women.

This is the sort of question I have been asking for at least 10 years now. Let’s analyze this a bit. Take Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton, for example. Both women are quite successful. Both women got to their positions by hard work–Campaigning IS hard work. Both women were harshly critisized. But both women are very different, and their critisizism have been diverse.

Hillary Clinton has been critisized as bitchy, and cold. Sarah Palin has been critisized for her lack of interviewing skills and wherewithal a terrible business woman. The truth of the matter is, that Hillary, with all her bitchiness, is really a remarkable and intelligent woman despite her politics. And Sarah, with all her stupidity and unsavviness, is a very inspiring woman. The difference is that men LOVED Sarah. And Hillary is LOVED by many women admirers. Why is this?

Simply put, politics is an image profession. The way you speak, dress, and carry yourself says a lot about who you are to people. First, Sarah Palin is an attractive lady and her style of dress is appealing and professional yet not revealing. But her voice and business falters. Second, Hillary Clinton style of dress does not make her an attractive lady; she is not very appealing yet Mrs. Clinton is professional and articulate. However, she falters because her style doesn’t appeal to the masses: she isn’t crisp and cool. Both women have room for improvement on their image. For example, Hillary should adopt an image like Sarah Palin. And Sarah, should perfect her vocal image.

The reason women judge other woman more harshly is because we women have never had “good” business role models like the men. At least, from my view point, I have never seen a book written about successful women like I have about men — maybe it is time that some modern day Napolian Hill write one. Just a thought. We critisize each other hoping that that will help improve us so that we may emerge as crisp and cool females able to inspire other females to be as successful overall.

Happy Thanksgiving.
LB

P.S. On the question, "how many people would comment on the clothing choice of a man?" I comment on a man's clothing choice. The way you dress, speak, and carry yourself says a lot about yourself.

http://www.benlawandengineering.com/blog/

I think I have an answer to that question. I asked myself this very thing just this morning, pertaining to my own mother. She spent the weekend at my house...Sunday thru Wednesday. I think initially, her intention was to stay through Friday or Saturday. I blew it. It usually happens this way, too. You see, my mother and I are on different spiritual paths. She's fundamentally Baptist. I'm far from that! I have a very rich and fulfilling spiritual life. However, when my mother comes to visit, she can't stay long. Or at least she hasn't. I was convinced of something while I brushed my teeth this morning...partially looking at myself in the mirror, and missing my mother. We're in the same town, but on opposite ends... like 40 miles apart. When she's at my house, it seems like I can't stand her to bring HER religion. She definitely has "religion" and she always brings it with her. I asked myself this morning, what's my problem with her.. or that? The answer: Fear. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that she thinks her religion is better than mine. And I don't want her to think that. I would love it if she could get to a place of being neutral about her denomination and all. But I have feeling that will never change. What has to change is me. My thinking and my feelings about it. Her. And I think that as women, we tend to judge other women so harshly because we are afraid that that other woman, no matter who she is, thinks she's better than we are. Even if she is.. Who does she think she is to think she is? She thinks she's better than me because... because...because!

In my spiritual walk, when I am practicing fully what I know and believe, I don't need to be afraid of anything. If I am walking in the light of love, then nothing else should matter. Not her religion. Not her wardrobe. Not her credentials. Not her attitude. Not her physical attributes. What matters is that.. in my mind.. we're all children of God. Every one of us, with everything that we say or do, we're asking for love or offering it. How can I be afraid of my sister or mother when she's asking me to love her?

I like this quote by Wally Lamb: Accept what people offer, drink their milkshakes, take their love.

After that, there's nothing to be afraid of.

The practice of women judging one another is passed on to us at a young age, before we even realize it. Dr. Laura Schlessinger wrote that parents use different techniques in rearing their daughters and sons. While we sign our boys up for Little League, where teamwork is encouraged, we sit down in front of television beauty pageants with our daughters and subtly teach them to judge other women harshly for minor flaws or imperfections.
When I worked in a pre-school I saw boys work together and share tasks to complete projects. Girls would occasionally go out of their way to identify and exclude other girls who did not meet imposed norms. Parents can help to shape the future by encouraging daughters to recognize one another's strengths and to be inclusive of everyone.

I have thought about this question for a long time. There are a variety of reasons why women judge each other rather harshly depending on the situation. If a woman is used to being the center of attention and she feels another woman threatens her spotlight she will seek to tear her down.

In a male dominated office some women feel that only one woman can advance and they want that woman to be themselves. I really think it boils down to insecurity and fear.

I have had female friends be okay when they are ahead of me (In their careers or relationships) but if we are relatively close then there is a problem.

I have also worked with some female leaders who continue to remind me that I am subordinate to them. One female leader in particular felt the need to tell my supervisor every mistake and misstep I made. I lost respect for her because she gave me the devious smile and said, “I am trying to help you but never once offered to mentor me.” I would have much rather her to pull me to the side and give me feedback instead of making me looking bad to upper management.

On the other hand, I have many female friends and leaders that have been very supportive of me. I just hate it when it becomes more about a competition and who looks better or is smarter. Does it really matter when we are all trying to better ourselves? Personally, I am all for women succeeding and letting their natural light shine.